I resigned yesterday. I actually resigned three times as that's how long it took for it to sink into my disillusioned boss' Uraguayan curls. He had no idea I was unhappy; no idea that I was looking. I suppose that bodes well as it means I showed no signs of slacking off at work. But poor that he didn't that I felt trapped, unappreciated and uninspired.
My boss asked if I would have lunch with him today so he could get some feedback on our working relationship. Would have rather done that in the review that I asked for oh, 5 times, so it could potentially improve our working relationship before I left, but there you go. So today was the plan for our lunch. He went to the pub with other people from the office. I wasn't invited. And that is another reason why I'm leaving. I am a rock, I am an island at my little desk - a lone pea in the pod of desks by myself with bottles of laundry detergent and mayonnaise, watching people descend the flight of stairs in groups back from their pub lunch together. I stare at inspirational quotes that transparently express my current emotional state about being here, but goes unnoticed. Cards that say "I used to care but now I take a pill for that", "You make me die inside", "All in Good Time", "Keep Calm and Carry On, "Tomorrow- we revolt" and "We'd like to talk to you about cheeses." Okay- maybe not the cheeses one. How could no one have noticed? I suppose there is the care factor. And not that I mind I go unnoticed. It has certainly made it easier to check out if you will.
Check out and dream of publishing my words. Dream of compiling scrap books of images and words of expression. Dreams of kisses by the unavailable man with amber eyes from the coffee shop and champagne toasts with good friends, when I finally escape in 18 working days.
